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  13 Things I have learned in the year 2013 

1. Never be afraid to go after what you want. The unknown can be a scary place, but you won't ever find what your looking for if you don't search a little. 

2. People always change. Sometimes for the better, sometimes not so much. But in the end you get to decide who gets to be a part of your life and who doesn't. If the change isn't in the direction you need, then there are a billion other people in this world ready to be your friend. You just have to find them. 

3. FAMILY IS EVERYTHING! Never forget that. No matter how far away you are from them MAKE TIME. Fly home and see your grandparents, call your parents weekly (if not daily), and connect with your siblings. Life is way to short to wait around for the right moment to call or visit. Hold them dearest because no one else will ever be there for you like them. 

4. If people want you in their life they will make an effort. And if they don't (revert to number 2), then don't stress over it. So what, just always remember to stay true to yourself. 

5. Never give up on your dreams. Everyone has to start at the dirt bottom in their career. Just never lose sight of what you truly want and do your best to go after it. 

6. Spend time with your friends. You don't have to have a lot, but the few ones you have, have the time of your life with them. Go out, be young, have fun, and don't stress! Nothing is better than a girl's night out (or in) as long as you can forget about your troubles and have a blast! 

7. NEVER EVER EVER move back to the North. It is WAY too cold. And who WOULDN'T want 80 degree weather in December? 

8. Stop giving so much to people who don't want to give you the same back. Your life shouldn't revolve around someone else's decisions. Be strong enough to walk away if you aren't getting what you deserve. 

9. Remember that the past is the past and there is no going back to it. You can't change what is done, but you sure as hell can move on from it. Always remember what you have learned and don't make the same mistake again. 

10. Losing weight can really make you feel better. But remember to keep it under control. Never go to far on either sides of the line. Be happy, but be healthy. 

11. GO TO THE DOCTORS GO TO THE DOCTORS GO TO THE DOCTORS (I still have yet to do this, so clearly I need to work on this in 2014) 

12. Try not to rely so much on "the plan". Instead live life day by day. Roll with the punches because you never know what may happen. Having a plan is good, but it doesn't always pan out. So be flexible, but never settle. 

13. And when all else fails and you feel as though you have hit rock bottom. Just know you can only go up. And don't give up on yourself, because at the end of the day, you are the one in control. So keep your head up and keep on keepin on. 

It's definitely been a year of changes for me, some for the good and some for the bad. But overall I survived and I am a fighter. And I will keep on fighting for what I want and what I deserve. So come on 2014 give me your best shot. And don't forget to keep on finding your clarity. 

XOXO,

Katlin 

It's Christmas Time!

So this post is EXTREMELY over do. And I feel like a terrible person for not keeping up with this blog. Because it really does mean a lot to me. But enough apologies... let's get down to business! Since I haven't wrote to you all in a while I guess this will be a pretty long post, so I can catch up on lost time. 

My first Thanksgiving away from my family was very different. I was able to spend it with one of the only people I have in my life down here and that was nice. It was pretty simple, but it was great. After my lunch, I went Black Friday shopping. I got EVERYTHING I needed and then some. So it was a success! Aside from missing my family like CRAZY it was a pretty good day. Now to give you all the good news.... I AM GOING HOME IN JANUARY!!!! I never thought I would ever be excited to go back to the place that I despised for 21 years of my life. However it is not the place that I am excited to see it is all my family and friends!! Now I have been gliding my friend, (a super cool video sending app that you all should get FYI) and we have been discussing how it really sucks when people say they are your friends but when it comes down to it they aren't ever there. And I have a feeling that is going to happen when I get home. A lot of people have said they wanted to see me (seeing how I haven't been home in almost a year) but I think when it comes down to it they won't show their faces, which is fine because whether I see them or not it is irrelevant because my entire point of going home is to see my sick family members. But anyways I am super excited to get back to everyone and everything I am used to! 

Christmas is now 17 days away and I am pretty pumped about it, because let's be honest Christmas is by far the best holiday ever! And of course in Disney fashion they always have the best Christmas EVERYTHING! I was lucky enough to attend the filming for the parade they host every year. And to my surprise Ne-Yo showed up and performed! I literally was acting like a small child but I don't care because it was FREAKIN NE-YO! It was seriously one of the best days I had in awhile. Lately I have been going in and out of my emotions. I can't really tell how I feel. And I think it is because I am sad, but then how can I be with Christmas on it's way? So I just push away all the things that are bothering me for now. And maybe that is a good thing. Maybe I need this holiday cheer to distract me for a little while. Because a lot of aspects in my life are becoming overwhelming. And there are certain things that I am not sure what my next move is going to be. I just don't know what to do... And ya know that is okay. Because sometimes the best thing to do is nothing. Until you can truly make the right choice. All I know is big changes are ahead for me in this upcoming year. I am not sure where I am going to end up. But I think this is my year. I think that something huge is going to happen for me, I just need to wait. And enjoy all this Christmas cheer! 

I am sorry that it has taken this long to update you are. And I really hope that it never takes this long again. I just kinda lost my thoughts and my ambition to write for awhile.... but I promise these post are just going to get better and better from now on! I hope everyone has a perfect holiday and gets to spend lots of quality time with the ones they love. And don't forget to find your clarity, I know I will keep looking for mine. Until next time....

XOXO 
Katlin

Giving Thanks

I am SO HAPPY to be finally writing to you guys again. I haven't blogged in a while and I blame my sadness on that. Because when I write I am happy, and since I haven't been doing that lately I have been feeling kinda blah. 

However let's start with some good news. One of my friends from high school came to visit me for 3 days, and I literally can't describe to you how happy it made me. Seeing a familiar face, being able to talk with someone who knows so much about your past, and who doesn't judge you whatsoever... BEST feeling in the world! And I was even able to take her to some of the parks which she loved! I really enjoy being that friend who lives in a cool city and can take their friends to some pretty awesome places. I really hope that she comes and visits again soon! And I also hope that other people from my past will come visit me too! 

As of lately I kinda lost myself again... I've been feeling really down, and have been letting chaos get the best of me. But in the middle of all my sadness I have come across literally some of the most kind hearted people I have EVER met. I have already had 2 separate people invite me to their home for Thanksgiving because they know that I am miles and miles away from my family. That really gives me something to be grateful for. That even though I can't be with my family, I have all these wonderfully people around me willing to give me the things I am missing out on. It is so generous and about the sweetest thing ever. 

Adding on to this, I literally JUST got off the phone with my grandfather (I call him Poppy's so I will be referring to him as that). Today was his birthday. He normally goes to bed between 7 and 8pm. He has done this for as far as I can remember. I didn't even get home and settled till 10:30pm. So I figured I would just call him and leave a voicemail for him to listen to in the morning. To my surprise HE ANSWERED THE PHONE! Now of course I felt terrible because I know I woke him (I could tell he didn't even have his dentures in). But I was so happy to hear his voice. You all know how much I have been missing my family and this was JUST what I needed right now. After talking to him about life, and what he did for his birthday. He says "Ya know I have a pretty good family". It was perfect. And when I got off the phone with his I told him I was sorry for waking him but happy I got to speak to him, he replied with "You can wake me up anytime." It put tears in my eyes. I now sit hear crying because I miss him that much more now. I would give ANYTHING to hop on a plane right now and hug him! 

All of this really puts things in perspective for me. Some people find a way to rally hurt me. To get inside my head and really depress the crap outta me. But for those few people that do that to me there are SO MANY MORE people willing to drive 8 hours to visit me, answer the phone in the dead of sleep to talk to me, and to invite me for Thanksgiving dinner. And THOSE are the people I should be spending my time with. THOSE people are the people that get me through. And if I didn't have them I wouldn't have anything. So this year I am giving thanks to the people in my life who do care. And for those that go the extra mile to include me and make me feel loved, when some days I feel so far from that. Thank you. You all really don't know how much you mean to me<3

Always remember to find your clarity. Until next time....

XOXO

Katlin

Patience, young grasshopper

Being patient isn't exactly one of my greatest traits. I want things when I want them. And I would much rather enjoy a life where I didn't have to wait around for answers. But patience makes us better people. So I know i have to learn to be a little more patient. 

I am a planner. I plan out literally every aspect of my life. And I have had it planned out since I was like 10 years old. However I am learning that life can't be planned out. I had a timeline created: at age 24 I would get married, at age 26/27 I would have my first child, and prior to these two things happening I would have a job making the big bucks to support a family. But let's take a look at my life as it stands now. I am 22 years old. There is no way I will be married in two years. I don't have a good paying job, I don't even have a full time job at the moment. And if I am not getting married in 2 years than I am CERTAINLY not having children by 26. Now this timeline runs through my head on a regular basis. And it depresses me. I feel like a failure, how did I let my life get this off track? 

But lately I have been beginning to see, ya know who cares about this timeline? Good things happen to those that wait... or so they say right? So instead of trying to push things to align with my timeline, I should just take life as it comes. With that being said... I AM STILL WAITING TO HEAR BACK FROM THIS JOB! And it is seriously driving me crazy! I just want to know. Because if I get this job a whole bunch of new doors will open for me. Not only that, but whether I get the job or not is going to be the deciding factor on when I can go visit my family. And I REALLY REALLY need to see them! 

I also need to be patient in my social life. Lately I have made some new friends at work. I just had to wait a bit! And now I am going out with them to the Food and Wine Festival tomorrow. Which I CAN NOT WAIT FOR! Another thing I need to be patient about. I always wish I could just fast forward to the fun days instead of living the day that is right in front of me. Because in the end every day counts. I am looking forward to things in my future. I just have to be patient enough to get to that point. 

All the crappy things I have been dealing with lately, they are just experiences to make me tougher. And in my opinion I am one tough cookie. I have been through some pretty ridiculous things, and I am sure others have had much worse lives... But I am proud of the person I have become. With a little patience, and a little faith, there is no telling what my future will bring for me! I hope you all continue to find your clarity in the chaos!

Until next time...

XOXO

Katlin 

 

Change of Seasons

It is almost November. And I really can't believe how fast time has been passing by me. It is already winter. Last time I checked it was still summer. But considering I do live in Florida it still basically is summer to me, haha. With this change in season I've noticed a change in me. I am ready for new adventures. As some of you may know I had an interview for a new job last week. I am patiently awaiting for a response, and it has got me all nervous. And I realized I am so nervous about it because I NEED some change right now. I am stuck in a rut, and I am just living everyday like the last. And I don't want to do that anymore. I need some new life experiences. 

If I get this job I think I will be much happier. It will create new opportunities of meeting new people, and just experiencing something different. Get me out of my same routine. I am really crossing my fingers and I hope you will too for me! Something else changing in my life is that I have decided to help my friend with a project she has been working on for awhile now. It is called "Sparrow in the Thorns". You can check out the Facebook page for it:  https://www.facebook.com/sparrowinthethorns OR Here is a link to the website: http://www.sparrowinthethorns.com/. Basically it is a place to post your stories, your struggles, and your triumphs. It's a place to go when you need someone to listen and have no one to turn too. It's a really great thing she has going on. It has given me a lot of inspiration in my writing again. And I even plan on helping her make a promotional video for it! And that really makes me happy, because I haven't been able to record, edit, and produce a video since college. And I would really like to get back into the swing of things. 

Since my last blog I think I have gotten a bit better. My situation in which I was writing about last time hasn't really gotten any better. But I have learned how to cope with it better. Instead I occupy myself with all these new projects. I am trying to keep myself busy, because then I won't be as sad. I know I can't keep myself busy forever, and I know at some point things will have to change... but for right now I am dealing with what I have and I feel a lot better than I did last week. And that's all I can ask for. Music is still one of the things keeping me going, and my OBSESSION with TV shows lately. I have gone through complete seasons of multiple television series... It's safe to say I have a problem. But I enjoy watching them because I feel like I am apart of it, like what they are going through I am going through. And I guess that's also why I like writing so much. 

I think this season is going to be full of changes for me. In my career, in my social life, just in general. And I am looking forward to it. Maybe I am finally starting to see some clarity. Sometimes I just have to get knocked down pretty hard before I start to see the good things. Feeling as bad as I did last week really motivated me to get back to what I love. Get back to making videos, get back to writing, get back to making YOURSELF happy. Because we can't rely on others to do that for us. This is MY life and I won't let people keep me from doing what I love. Go out and find your clarity. Until next time. 

XOXO, 
Katlin 

S.O.S

I want to start my post by warning everyone that this isn't going to be a very happy read. Right now I have seem to lost all happiness. The way I feel right now... I haven't felt this bad in a while. Somehow my life turned in a whirlwind of chaos. And I seem to have no control over any of it.

So this is my cry for help. If my life continues the way it is going right now, then I know that I will never be a happy person. And happiness is all I want. I have been listening to A LOT of music lately. When I am this down in the dumps music is all that keeps me going. There is nothing better than finding a song that's lyrics just HIT you like a bus. I am that person who will put a song on repeat until I know all the words and can scream the lyrics at the top of my lungs. Music makes me happy, so I need to keep listening. If you are interested in some songs that I have been listening to here is a list:

Let Me Go- Avril Lavinge
Let Her Go- The Passengers
We Were Us- Keith Urban and Miranda Lambert
If I'm Being Honest - Tyler Ward
S.O.S. - Tyler Ward

Now the reasons for my unhappiness? Well there is a lot and I am not going to get into specific details here. But I will let you know that I have been feeling completely alone lately. Loneliness, I think, is one of the worst feelings to have. Because it will drive you into a state of depression. Now I am not new to depression, I have dealt with depression since I was in high school. But I thought that once I had moved down south that I had gotten a hold of my depression. I thought I would no longer have to go back to that feeling. But things change, and life happens.

If there is one thing I have learned in my life, it is that we can't depend on others to create our happiness. No matter how much we long for that. Because in the end people are always going to let us down. It is human nature for people to let us down. And yes it sucks, but that is life. There is nothing we can do but move forward from it. In the midst of all this sadness I am experiencing, I do have a few lights at the end of the tunnel...

My best friend down here Sammi. She literally is one of the only people who gets me through each and everyday. Just texting her, or gliding her, it helps. Having someone there for you when it seems everyone else just thrown you under the bus, is definitely something to be happy for. It doesn't seem to matter what we are doing, we help each other forget about our own problems and just focus on having some fun. Because lets face it, in this life if you don't let yourself have some fun you will be consumed by monotony.

Another glimpse of hope is that I had a job interview today. I am hoping that switching my career is going to make me a little happier. I need some change, because right now my days are the same and they just seem to be passing by me faster than I can keep up. I don't want to look back on my life and not be pleased with the choices I made.

All I want is for this loneliness feeling to go away. I wish I could change the way people think, and I wish for ONCE I could prove to someone that I am here no matter what, and that giving up on situations isn't what you do. You have to keep fighting, no matter how terrible I feel right now, I will keep fighting. Because I know this is just one big bump (maybe mountain) in the road. But once I make it over, things will be good again. If everyone just gave up when things got tough we wouldn't have doctors, or police officers, or even a president. I am not one for giving up. But I can say right now I have been knocked down pretty hard, and I have a lot of bruises. But a least amid all of this chaos, I haven't lost myself. I may have yet to find clarity in the situations in my life right now, but I still know who I am. And that's all that matters.

If you are feeling the way I am, don't give up. Never give up on what you want most. Things will get better, for you, and for me. We just have to hold on. I hope you all can find your clarity. Until next time....

XOXO
Katlin

Just Go With It

So I had an entire blog all wrote up, and then I changed my mind. I am not sure people are ready yet for those thoughts of mine. So I will save that for a later date. Instead I will talk about some feelings that I have been going through lately. As some of you know (if you read my last post) I have been dealing with weight issues. And I am still overcoming those now (it's a long process). However there are a bunch of other emotions I have had lately. And there is no better place to start than at the very beginning. 

Okay not the very beginning of my life, because that is just too far. But to the start of more recent emotions. I have never been the child who was home sick. Every since I remember I was the child finding every possible place to be other than home. I have always been the person who seeks something different and new. In college I barely ever went home for any vacations. For example for Easter I would go home with my roommates in college, and than one summer I stayed at my school and worked. So as you can see, I am not one to be a stay at home body. So when I got this opportunity to move all the way down to Florida, you can bet I took it. Now I have been here for almost a year, and I can finally admit home sickness is finally kicking in. 

Now it is time to explain these feelings I am having. It is a type of emptiness, a sadness, a hole somewhere in my heart. And I think this all steamed when my Nonna recently passed away. I felt terrible because I didn't see her one last time before she died. And my biggest fear is she forgot who I was when she passed (she was diagnosed with alzheimer's). The fact that I am SO far away from my family almost tears me apart on a daily basis. I miss feeling cared for and being loved. And that is really a selfish way to put it, because although there may be few, there are some people here who do love me. But I miss that family love, you know the kind that no matter WHAT happens they are always going to feel the same way about you. That's the kind of love I want again. And that is one reason why this trip I am planning home is just so important to me. I need to see these people who lift me up. When I start feeling down I need them to remind me that I can do anything I dream of. 

Aside from home sickness I have been feeling blah. And literally that is the only way I can describe it. Nothing has been going my way. My life is not what I planned it to be at this time. And that is my problem. I need to learn that life is a big jumble mess, and ya gotta just go with it. So that's what my next step to clarity is. Just going with it. If I miss my family, then I am gonna hop on a plane and see them. If I am sick of my job, I am going to find a new one. If I feel I am drowning, I am gonna go out and do something CRAZY. I can't keep letting my emotions bring me down, there is so much more beauty in life that i let get hidden by these deep dark emotions. And it's not okay anymore. The more I write, the more I let myself open up, and the more I begin to see what my true problems really are. I will continue to write and hopefully soon I will find all the answers I have been looking for in myself.

I hope you all keep finding your clarity. Until next time. 

XOXO Katlin 

Weight Loss Clarity

Lately I have been going through a roller coaster of emotions in my life. And the best way I think that I can get through this is by writing. And that's the reason why I have decided to start this blog. Now why name it "From Chaos to Clarity" you may ask? Well there are loads of reasons why, but the simplest is that among all the chaos in my life I am hoping to find some clarity. And this blog is the first step on my journey to clarity. 

I have been on a loosing weight kick lately. A lot of people seem to be worried about me, but there is nothing to be concerned about. I know when enough is enough. The weight that I have lost has given me a boost of confidence that I was lacking hard core. I have never received so many compliments in my life than right now. And I have never been smaller than I am right now. I know however I need to be a bit more healthy about my ways of weight loss. One meal a day really isn't the best way to go about this. So I am working on eating smaller meals multiple times a day. That way I am not worrying so many people. Because really that's the last thing I want to do. 

Ever since I can remember I have had problems with my weight. I really think it goes back to my high school days, with my insecurities of not being good enough. I never felt pretty, or skinny, or worth while in high school. And then after my first relationship ended with being left for the next best thing, I never felt like I would be good enough. And even today, because of that experience, I deal with self image issues. I have always had a problem with binge eating. I would eat a lot if I was depressed, or eat a lot when I was really happy depending on what situation I was going through at the time. And then something else would happen in my life that would depress me and it would make me not want to eat at all. So my weight has always fluctuated. And I really wish I could get a handle on it. 

Now that I have reached the weight that I think is perfect for my body, I hope to take control of it. I no longer want my emotions to affect my eating habits. When I look in the mirror now I like what I see, I can smile at myself, a genuine smile. Never before in my life have I been able to do this. I guess this is the start to clarity. 

I hope to keep up with this blog (I kind of failed to do so with my last one). And I hope other people who are going through the same things, can read this and not feel so alone. I am not writing this so I can get pity or attention from people. I am doing this because without taking the time to find clarity I will get lost in the chaos. 

Until next time, I hope you all find your clarity<3

XOXO Katlin