S.O.S

I want to start my post by warning everyone that this isn't going to be a very happy read. Right now I have seem to lost all happiness. The way I feel right now... I haven't felt this bad in a while. Somehow my life turned in a whirlwind of chaos. And I seem to have no control over any of it.

So this is my cry for help. If my life continues the way it is going right now, then I know that I will never be a happy person. And happiness is all I want. I have been listening to A LOT of music lately. When I am this down in the dumps music is all that keeps me going. There is nothing better than finding a song that's lyrics just HIT you like a bus. I am that person who will put a song on repeat until I know all the words and can scream the lyrics at the top of my lungs. Music makes me happy, so I need to keep listening. If you are interested in some songs that I have been listening to here is a list:

Let Me Go- Avril Lavinge
Let Her Go- The Passengers
We Were Us- Keith Urban and Miranda Lambert
If I'm Being Honest - Tyler Ward
S.O.S. - Tyler Ward

Now the reasons for my unhappiness? Well there is a lot and I am not going to get into specific details here. But I will let you know that I have been feeling completely alone lately. Loneliness, I think, is one of the worst feelings to have. Because it will drive you into a state of depression. Now I am not new to depression, I have dealt with depression since I was in high school. But I thought that once I had moved down south that I had gotten a hold of my depression. I thought I would no longer have to go back to that feeling. But things change, and life happens.

If there is one thing I have learned in my life, it is that we can't depend on others to create our happiness. No matter how much we long for that. Because in the end people are always going to let us down. It is human nature for people to let us down. And yes it sucks, but that is life. There is nothing we can do but move forward from it. In the midst of all this sadness I am experiencing, I do have a few lights at the end of the tunnel...

My best friend down here Sammi. She literally is one of the only people who gets me through each and everyday. Just texting her, or gliding her, it helps. Having someone there for you when it seems everyone else just thrown you under the bus, is definitely something to be happy for. It doesn't seem to matter what we are doing, we help each other forget about our own problems and just focus on having some fun. Because lets face it, in this life if you don't let yourself have some fun you will be consumed by monotony.

Another glimpse of hope is that I had a job interview today. I am hoping that switching my career is going to make me a little happier. I need some change, because right now my days are the same and they just seem to be passing by me faster than I can keep up. I don't want to look back on my life and not be pleased with the choices I made.

All I want is for this loneliness feeling to go away. I wish I could change the way people think, and I wish for ONCE I could prove to someone that I am here no matter what, and that giving up on situations isn't what you do. You have to keep fighting, no matter how terrible I feel right now, I will keep fighting. Because I know this is just one big bump (maybe mountain) in the road. But once I make it over, things will be good again. If everyone just gave up when things got tough we wouldn't have doctors, or police officers, or even a president. I am not one for giving up. But I can say right now I have been knocked down pretty hard, and I have a lot of bruises. But a least amid all of this chaos, I haven't lost myself. I may have yet to find clarity in the situations in my life right now, but I still know who I am. And that's all that matters.

If you are feeling the way I am, don't give up. Never give up on what you want most. Things will get better, for you, and for me. We just have to hold on. I hope you all can find your clarity. Until next time....

XOXO
Katlin