The Road Less Traveled

If you asked me a few years ago what my dreams were. I would have told you that I wanted to move to Florida and work for Disney. I would have told you that at age 25 I wanted to be engaged and by age 27 have my first baby. I would have told you that I wanted to get out of my small town and follow my dreams. I would have probably gave you all these crazy ideas with a huge smile on my face. 

But let's bring you to the present. Sometimes what you think you want, is so far from what you need. Yes I am living in Florida. Yes I am working for Disney. Yes I got away from my small town. But I am in any way shape or form happy? No, I am not. I miss my family, I miss my friends the ones that know all about me. The ones who can tell just by looking at me that I am not okay. But I can say that I do not miss the snow. Florida is truly a beautiful place. I love the weather, I love that I can wear dresses almost all year round because the temperature here is almost always high. And then there is Disney. I have loved this place since I was a baby. Probably before I was even able to talk I loved this place. It was my escape from reality. I always had fun when I was at Disney, I never had to worry about a thing. And I am sure that is how most people still see it. But working there really makes you open your eyes. I deal with rude people on a regular basis. The things that happen at that place can really lower your morale. 

I never wanted to work at a theme park for my whole life. I would love to progress with Disney. To end up at a position that I can grow and flourish with. But it isn't happening right now. And I think sometimes we need to step back and evaluate what is going on. Maybe it's time I start widening up my doors. Florida is a big state. I don't have to stay in Orlando. I could venture to other cities. I just want to find some happiness somewhere. I think too many times I get stuck in life. Either with jobs, or relationships, I know I am not happy but I just stay there because I am too afraid of change. I'm too scared to take the road less traveled. But I am never going to be happy unless I learn to let go, and learn to take new opportunities. 

At this moment everything seems to be falling apart in my life. But I think it is a sign. Everything falls apart, so even better things can fall together. Right now I can't see any positiveness in what is going on. But I can't just let this all crush me. I can't give up and run back home like I want to so badly. How will I ever succeed in life if I don't learn to accept failure and make a change from it? I'm learning that people are going to leave me, and I am going to leave people, and that is okay. It's okay to walk away from something. Because down the road you might find something else so much better. And if you can't get the courage to leave, then how will you ever be happy?

And at the end of the day, we all deserve to be happy. So I think my advice to myself and to you all is have the courage to walk away, have the courage to take the road less traveled. I am on my way to the less traveled road, so come join the path with me. I'm finding the clarity in the chaos, and so can you. Thanks for reading guys. 

Until next time....

XOXO

Katlin 

It's NOT Always Rainbows and Butterflies

Instead of a photo this time around, I decided to start out with a video. I am not sure if everyone knows this song. But at the moment, these lyrics are really hitting home. So listen along as you read along. 

I am currently going through some rough days. Actually rough months. And I really think it is because I started to lose myself again. It is so easy to get caught up in day to day routines, that we forget to be happy. And we forget about the truly important things that spark our passion, and our creativity. And I have fallen into that rut of life. 

First let me do a really quick update since it has been 4 months since I posted last (which by the way is completely terrible and obviously falls into the category of me not making time for the things I love). So here it goes, I finally got full time and Disney!! It took A LOT of patience. I mean a lot, and most of the time I wasn't patient at all about it (clearly another quality I need to work harder at). But I made it, with full-time comes a lot more hours, a lot more money, which is fantastic, but also a lot less "ME" time. So I have become so consumed in work that I almost never have fun. I almost never go out and do the things I want to do, because I am either picking up shifts to pay bills, or I am just too tired to leave the house. 

Next important update you all need to know. I FINALLY GOT A NEW CAR! Yes I am soooo happy about this I can barely put into words the happiness I feel! It has been a long time coming! And the car is worth every penny. But as you all know with a new car comes new bills. New bills means I need more money, and how do I get this money? Well by working all the time. So are you seeing the cycle now? 

Since we cleared that up lets continue. Most days I wake up feeling completely miserable. I have all these ideas in my head. All these things I WANT to do, but never do. And recently it has come to my attention that, at any moment I could just drop dead. Let's be honest, we never know when our time is coming. We just live day to day and no one's future is guaranteed. So why would I want to spend my last day doing something that I hate? Or something that I only do because I have to in order to survive? Instead I REALLY want to start putting aside some time in order to do what I love. I am going to leave a list of things I want to start doing more, and I think you all should make a list too, of things you love but maybe haven't committed to in awhile, or new things that you have always wanted to try but just kinda push to the side because life gets in the way. Then anytime you start feeling as I do now... look at your list and dedicate some time to doing one or even all of them. I truly believe that the only way to be happy is by staying passionate about what you love. 

Remember it's not always rainbows and butterflies, sometimes life straight up sucks. But that doesn't mean we all can't dedicate a few days or even a few hours to creating our own gleam of happiness. Lately the chaos has been slowly over taking my life, and I think it's time I start seeing some clarity again. If any of you ever feel as I do, or just want to talk sometime leave me a comment I would love to hear the struggles of my readers. 

My Happiness List: 

1. Dancing: any type really but I want to get into salsa, ballroom, and pole dancing (it is really good exercise in case you are sketched out) 

2. Photography: I want to do a themed photo shoot as they do on America's Next Top Model.

3. BLOGGING: I am doing this now, and I can't even tell you the happiness/ weight lifted from my shoulders just expressing words and emotions. 

4. Volunteering: I really want to volunteer at a women's battered shelter, or some place where women can go when they are depressed. I want to be able to help people gain confidence and feel good about themselves. 

5. Poetry: I want to start writing poetry, I have really gotten into this slam poetry business. I don't know if I personally would do slam poetry, but I would love to start with some small poetry pieces first and see where it takes me. 

6. Music: I love music probably more than anything in this world because I connect whole heartily to the lyrics. I can't play music but I want to go to more live concerts, and maybe even some coffee shops! 

7. Modeling: I have been wanting to model now for awhile. I just need more practice, and I need to put together a portfolio.  

8. Hair and Make-Up: I want to learn to french braid, and do smokey eyes. I just want make more time to practice with my hair and make-up so I have more options for my photo shoots.

 This is a start of my list. I hope you guys have enjoyed reading.Until Next TimeXOXO, Katlin 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Ever have one for those days where you want to climb to the top of the highest mountain and scream until your lungs fall out? Well that is how I felt this entire week. Everything that can go wrong, seems to be doing so, all with impeccable timing. I am pretty sure I can't take one more bad thing going on in my life right now. And since I can't go to a mountain and scream out my lungs out, I decided to write about my frustrations instead. 

My car. My freakin car. My terrible, crappy, freakin car. Number one thing that is stressing me out at this very moment. Today on my way to run a ton of errands that needed to be done, it decided to overheat. Okay... now maybe if I was some kind of "carsy or boyish" girl I would have been able to figure out what to do. But instead I am as girly as a girl can be, and so where did I turn? My Daddy. In most cases this would be a perfect solution. But me living in Florida, and him in New York... doesn't work so well. As I am on the phone with him and he is trying to explain to me what to look for "radiator, coolant, tubes with gaskets" in my mind I am thinking holy crap I am just gonna be stranded here forever. There was NO way I was gonna figure out what he was trying to tell me. Luckily I have AAA. Anyways ending of this long story is that they threw some water in the radiator and I drove back home, and the temperature never got any higher. So that is good, but none of my errands got done either. 

People are the second stresser in my life. I am not going to go into personal detail with all the people that have been making me want to scream lately, but just know that human beings are driving me bonkers. 

And lastly, this stupid job hunting. Just.... WHY? Why is it so difficult? I can bet money on the fact that within the last two weeks I have applied to 40 some jobs. And on HALF of them, my resume is "under review" WHAT GOOD IS THAT DOING ME?! My patience is truly dwindling and I'm about to go cray cray on some companies if they don't speed up this process. 

Even though all these things are happening to me right now and I am thinking to myself "why is my life so terrible", I realize it can't be that bad. I have a loving family who (even when they are miles and miles away from me still answers their phones when I need them) loves me more than anything in this world. I have a few really close friends both from NY and FL who have become my shoulder to cry on when I can't take much more. And even though I don't have the best job in the world, at least I have an income and can pay my bills. So as much as I want to go to that mountain and scream my lungs out, what good will that do? Then I am lungless (I know that isn't a word, but it sounds cooler than it looks) and having no lungs doesn't get me to my dreams any faster. So this blog's lesson is through all the turmoil and all those days where you would rather throw in the towel, see the light in the storm. There are people who would beg for the life that you are so willing to throw away. Learn to accept, and better more, APPRECIATE, what you got. 

I will be honest, I just now taught myself this lesson. All day I have been complaining about how terrible my luck is. And I just came to the realization while reading this that I am being a baby. So I hope all of you reevaluate your current "terrible" situation, and remember that it's not as bad as you think it is. Someone is always doing worse than you. Well I think I have made my point to myself, and to you all. So remember even when things royally SUCK, find your clarity in the chaos. 

Until next time

XOXO

Katlin 

I Am A Woman, Hear Me Roar.

The thing about chaos,

is that while it disturbs us, 

it too, forces our hearts to roar

in a way we secretly find magnificent. 

- Christopher Poindexter

Where should I begin? Some days I feel as though I have been punched in the face multiple times with Thor's hammer. Other days I feel like I am living on a cloud. And I guess that's what this life is all about. The ups and downs, the bad days that subsequently come with the good. But I have been trying my hardest to keep my head up. Living every day in agony is not how I want to continue the next 70 or 80 years of my life. 

My trip home was the reminder I needed that I am not alone. Sure I may spend 80% of my life alone in this apartment, but that doesn't mean I have to be alone. I have the most loving and supportive family on this planet. And there isn't a single thing that I couldn't ask of them. They are here for me no matter what. And I also have a handful of friends that I know would do the same for me. And those are the people I have been spending my time confiding in. It's those people that get me through each and everyday. 

But at the end of the day I have to look at myself in the mirror. Am I happy with what I see? Am I satisfied with how my life has turned out thus far? Some things I am completely content with, and others I would change in a heartbeat. But if I want to see change than I am the first step. I have to get up and get myself happy. Because I can't waste anymore time thinking I will find it through other people. Sure right now I have NO IDEA what my future looks like. My life is complete and utter chaos... But that is why I posted that quote at the top of the page. It's time I find the roar in my heart. It's time I stood up for myself. I cannot and will not let anything or anyone for that matter bring me down. Life is too short to get caught up in unhappiness.

After all... I AM A WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!!

And I hope you all can find your clarity in the chaos. 

XOXO,

Katlin 

13

 

  13 Things I have learned in the year 2013 

1. Never be afraid to go after what you want. The unknown can be a scary place, but you won't ever find what your looking for if you don't search a little. 

2. People always change. Sometimes for the better, sometimes not so much. But in the end you get to decide who gets to be a part of your life and who doesn't. If the change isn't in the direction you need, then there are a billion other people in this world ready to be your friend. You just have to find them. 

3. FAMILY IS EVERYTHING! Never forget that. No matter how far away you are from them MAKE TIME. Fly home and see your grandparents, call your parents weekly (if not daily), and connect with your siblings. Life is way to short to wait around for the right moment to call or visit. Hold them dearest because no one else will ever be there for you like them. 

4. If people want you in their life they will make an effort. And if they don't (revert to number 2), then don't stress over it. So what, just always remember to stay true to yourself. 

5. Never give up on your dreams. Everyone has to start at the dirt bottom in their career. Just never lose sight of what you truly want and do your best to go after it. 

6. Spend time with your friends. You don't have to have a lot, but the few ones you have, have the time of your life with them. Go out, be young, have fun, and don't stress! Nothing is better than a girl's night out (or in) as long as you can forget about your troubles and have a blast! 

7. NEVER EVER EVER move back to the North. It is WAY too cold. And who WOULDN'T want 80 degree weather in December? 

8. Stop giving so much to people who don't want to give you the same back. Your life shouldn't revolve around someone else's decisions. Be strong enough to walk away if you aren't getting what you deserve. 

9. Remember that the past is the past and there is no going back to it. You can't change what is done, but you sure as hell can move on from it. Always remember what you have learned and don't make the same mistake again. 

10. Losing weight can really make you feel better. But remember to keep it under control. Never go to far on either sides of the line. Be happy, but be healthy. 

11. GO TO THE DOCTORS GO TO THE DOCTORS GO TO THE DOCTORS (I still have yet to do this, so clearly I need to work on this in 2014) 

12. Try not to rely so much on "the plan". Instead live life day by day. Roll with the punches because you never know what may happen. Having a plan is good, but it doesn't always pan out. So be flexible, but never settle. 

13. And when all else fails and you feel as though you have hit rock bottom. Just know you can only go up. And don't give up on yourself, because at the end of the day, you are the one in control. So keep your head up and keep on keepin on. 

It's definitely been a year of changes for me, some for the good and some for the bad. But overall I survived and I am a fighter. And I will keep on fighting for what I want and what I deserve. So come on 2014 give me your best shot. And don't forget to keep on finding your clarity. 

XOXO,

Katlin 

It's Christmas Time!

So this post is EXTREMELY over do. And I feel like a terrible person for not keeping up with this blog. Because it really does mean a lot to me. But enough apologies... let's get down to business! Since I haven't wrote to you all in a while I guess this will be a pretty long post, so I can catch up on lost time. 

My first Thanksgiving away from my family was very different. I was able to spend it with one of the only people I have in my life down here and that was nice. It was pretty simple, but it was great. After my lunch, I went Black Friday shopping. I got EVERYTHING I needed and then some. So it was a success! Aside from missing my family like CRAZY it was a pretty good day. Now to give you all the good news.... I AM GOING HOME IN JANUARY!!!! I never thought I would ever be excited to go back to the place that I despised for 21 years of my life. However it is not the place that I am excited to see it is all my family and friends!! Now I have been gliding my friend, (a super cool video sending app that you all should get FYI) and we have been discussing how it really sucks when people say they are your friends but when it comes down to it they aren't ever there. And I have a feeling that is going to happen when I get home. A lot of people have said they wanted to see me (seeing how I haven't been home in almost a year) but I think when it comes down to it they won't show their faces, which is fine because whether I see them or not it is irrelevant because my entire point of going home is to see my sick family members. But anyways I am super excited to get back to everyone and everything I am used to! 

Christmas is now 17 days away and I am pretty pumped about it, because let's be honest Christmas is by far the best holiday ever! And of course in Disney fashion they always have the best Christmas EVERYTHING! I was lucky enough to attend the filming for the parade they host every year. And to my surprise Ne-Yo showed up and performed! I literally was acting like a small child but I don't care because it was FREAKIN NE-YO! It was seriously one of the best days I had in awhile. Lately I have been going in and out of my emotions. I can't really tell how I feel. And I think it is because I am sad, but then how can I be with Christmas on it's way? So I just push away all the things that are bothering me for now. And maybe that is a good thing. Maybe I need this holiday cheer to distract me for a little while. Because a lot of aspects in my life are becoming overwhelming. And there are certain things that I am not sure what my next move is going to be. I just don't know what to do... And ya know that is okay. Because sometimes the best thing to do is nothing. Until you can truly make the right choice. All I know is big changes are ahead for me in this upcoming year. I am not sure where I am going to end up. But I think this is my year. I think that something huge is going to happen for me, I just need to wait. And enjoy all this Christmas cheer! 

I am sorry that it has taken this long to update you are. And I really hope that it never takes this long again. I just kinda lost my thoughts and my ambition to write for awhile.... but I promise these post are just going to get better and better from now on! I hope everyone has a perfect holiday and gets to spend lots of quality time with the ones they love. And don't forget to find your clarity, I know I will keep looking for mine. Until next time....

XOXO 
Katlin

Giving Thanks

I am SO HAPPY to be finally writing to you guys again. I haven't blogged in a while and I blame my sadness on that. Because when I write I am happy, and since I haven't been doing that lately I have been feeling kinda blah. 

However let's start with some good news. One of my friends from high school came to visit me for 3 days, and I literally can't describe to you how happy it made me. Seeing a familiar face, being able to talk with someone who knows so much about your past, and who doesn't judge you whatsoever... BEST feeling in the world! And I was even able to take her to some of the parks which she loved! I really enjoy being that friend who lives in a cool city and can take their friends to some pretty awesome places. I really hope that she comes and visits again soon! And I also hope that other people from my past will come visit me too! 

As of lately I kinda lost myself again... I've been feeling really down, and have been letting chaos get the best of me. But in the middle of all my sadness I have come across literally some of the most kind hearted people I have EVER met. I have already had 2 separate people invite me to their home for Thanksgiving because they know that I am miles and miles away from my family. That really gives me something to be grateful for. That even though I can't be with my family, I have all these wonderfully people around me willing to give me the things I am missing out on. It is so generous and about the sweetest thing ever. 

Adding on to this, I literally JUST got off the phone with my grandfather (I call him Poppy's so I will be referring to him as that). Today was his birthday. He normally goes to bed between 7 and 8pm. He has done this for as far as I can remember. I didn't even get home and settled till 10:30pm. So I figured I would just call him and leave a voicemail for him to listen to in the morning. To my surprise HE ANSWERED THE PHONE! Now of course I felt terrible because I know I woke him (I could tell he didn't even have his dentures in). But I was so happy to hear his voice. You all know how much I have been missing my family and this was JUST what I needed right now. After talking to him about life, and what he did for his birthday. He says "Ya know I have a pretty good family". It was perfect. And when I got off the phone with his I told him I was sorry for waking him but happy I got to speak to him, he replied with "You can wake me up anytime." It put tears in my eyes. I now sit hear crying because I miss him that much more now. I would give ANYTHING to hop on a plane right now and hug him! 

All of this really puts things in perspective for me. Some people find a way to rally hurt me. To get inside my head and really depress the crap outta me. But for those few people that do that to me there are SO MANY MORE people willing to drive 8 hours to visit me, answer the phone in the dead of sleep to talk to me, and to invite me for Thanksgiving dinner. And THOSE are the people I should be spending my time with. THOSE people are the people that get me through. And if I didn't have them I wouldn't have anything. So this year I am giving thanks to the people in my life who do care. And for those that go the extra mile to include me and make me feel loved, when some days I feel so far from that. Thank you. You all really don't know how much you mean to me<3

Always remember to find your clarity. Until next time....

XOXO

Katlin