The Road Less Traveled

If you asked me a few years ago what my dreams were. I would have told you that I wanted to move to Florida and work for Disney. I would have told you that at age 25 I wanted to be engaged and by age 27 have my first baby. I would have told you that I wanted to get out of my small town and follow my dreams. I would have probably gave you all these crazy ideas with a huge smile on my face. 

But let's bring you to the present. Sometimes what you think you want, is so far from what you need. Yes I am living in Florida. Yes I am working for Disney. Yes I got away from my small town. But I am in any way shape or form happy? No, I am not. I miss my family, I miss my friends the ones that know all about me. The ones who can tell just by looking at me that I am not okay. But I can say that I do not miss the snow. Florida is truly a beautiful place. I love the weather, I love that I can wear dresses almost all year round because the temperature here is almost always high. And then there is Disney. I have loved this place since I was a baby. Probably before I was even able to talk I loved this place. It was my escape from reality. I always had fun when I was at Disney, I never had to worry about a thing. And I am sure that is how most people still see it. But working there really makes you open your eyes. I deal with rude people on a regular basis. The things that happen at that place can really lower your morale. 

I never wanted to work at a theme park for my whole life. I would love to progress with Disney. To end up at a position that I can grow and flourish with. But it isn't happening right now. And I think sometimes we need to step back and evaluate what is going on. Maybe it's time I start widening up my doors. Florida is a big state. I don't have to stay in Orlando. I could venture to other cities. I just want to find some happiness somewhere. I think too many times I get stuck in life. Either with jobs, or relationships, I know I am not happy but I just stay there because I am too afraid of change. I'm too scared to take the road less traveled. But I am never going to be happy unless I learn to let go, and learn to take new opportunities. 

At this moment everything seems to be falling apart in my life. But I think it is a sign. Everything falls apart, so even better things can fall together. Right now I can't see any positiveness in what is going on. But I can't just let this all crush me. I can't give up and run back home like I want to so badly. How will I ever succeed in life if I don't learn to accept failure and make a change from it? I'm learning that people are going to leave me, and I am going to leave people, and that is okay. It's okay to walk away from something. Because down the road you might find something else so much better. And if you can't get the courage to leave, then how will you ever be happy?

And at the end of the day, we all deserve to be happy. So I think my advice to myself and to you all is have the courage to walk away, have the courage to take the road less traveled. I am on my way to the less traveled road, so come join the path with me. I'm finding the clarity in the chaos, and so can you. Thanks for reading guys. 

Until next time....

XOXO

Katlin 

It's NOT Always Rainbows and Butterflies

Instead of a photo this time around, I decided to start out with a video. I am not sure if everyone knows this song. But at the moment, these lyrics are really hitting home. So listen along as you read along. 

I am currently going through some rough days. Actually rough months. And I really think it is because I started to lose myself again. It is so easy to get caught up in day to day routines, that we forget to be happy. And we forget about the truly important things that spark our passion, and our creativity. And I have fallen into that rut of life. 

First let me do a really quick update since it has been 4 months since I posted last (which by the way is completely terrible and obviously falls into the category of me not making time for the things I love). So here it goes, I finally got full time and Disney!! It took A LOT of patience. I mean a lot, and most of the time I wasn't patient at all about it (clearly another quality I need to work harder at). But I made it, with full-time comes a lot more hours, a lot more money, which is fantastic, but also a lot less "ME" time. So I have become so consumed in work that I almost never have fun. I almost never go out and do the things I want to do, because I am either picking up shifts to pay bills, or I am just too tired to leave the house. 

Next important update you all need to know. I FINALLY GOT A NEW CAR! Yes I am soooo happy about this I can barely put into words the happiness I feel! It has been a long time coming! And the car is worth every penny. But as you all know with a new car comes new bills. New bills means I need more money, and how do I get this money? Well by working all the time. So are you seeing the cycle now? 

Since we cleared that up lets continue. Most days I wake up feeling completely miserable. I have all these ideas in my head. All these things I WANT to do, but never do. And recently it has come to my attention that, at any moment I could just drop dead. Let's be honest, we never know when our time is coming. We just live day to day and no one's future is guaranteed. So why would I want to spend my last day doing something that I hate? Or something that I only do because I have to in order to survive? Instead I REALLY want to start putting aside some time in order to do what I love. I am going to leave a list of things I want to start doing more, and I think you all should make a list too, of things you love but maybe haven't committed to in awhile, or new things that you have always wanted to try but just kinda push to the side because life gets in the way. Then anytime you start feeling as I do now... look at your list and dedicate some time to doing one or even all of them. I truly believe that the only way to be happy is by staying passionate about what you love. 

Remember it's not always rainbows and butterflies, sometimes life straight up sucks. But that doesn't mean we all can't dedicate a few days or even a few hours to creating our own gleam of happiness. Lately the chaos has been slowly over taking my life, and I think it's time I start seeing some clarity again. If any of you ever feel as I do, or just want to talk sometime leave me a comment I would love to hear the struggles of my readers. 

My Happiness List: 

1. Dancing: any type really but I want to get into salsa, ballroom, and pole dancing (it is really good exercise in case you are sketched out) 

2. Photography: I want to do a themed photo shoot as they do on America's Next Top Model.

3. BLOGGING: I am doing this now, and I can't even tell you the happiness/ weight lifted from my shoulders just expressing words and emotions. 

4. Volunteering: I really want to volunteer at a women's battered shelter, or some place where women can go when they are depressed. I want to be able to help people gain confidence and feel good about themselves. 

5. Poetry: I want to start writing poetry, I have really gotten into this slam poetry business. I don't know if I personally would do slam poetry, but I would love to start with some small poetry pieces first and see where it takes me. 

6. Music: I love music probably more than anything in this world because I connect whole heartily to the lyrics. I can't play music but I want to go to more live concerts, and maybe even some coffee shops! 

7. Modeling: I have been wanting to model now for awhile. I just need more practice, and I need to put together a portfolio.  

8. Hair and Make-Up: I want to learn to french braid, and do smokey eyes. I just want make more time to practice with my hair and make-up so I have more options for my photo shoots.

 This is a start of my list. I hope you guys have enjoyed reading.Until Next TimeXOXO, Katlin 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Ever have one for those days where you want to climb to the top of the highest mountain and scream until your lungs fall out? Well that is how I felt this entire week. Everything that can go wrong, seems to be doing so, all with impeccable timing. I am pretty sure I can't take one more bad thing going on in my life right now. And since I can't go to a mountain and scream out my lungs out, I decided to write about my frustrations instead. 

My car. My freakin car. My terrible, crappy, freakin car. Number one thing that is stressing me out at this very moment. Today on my way to run a ton of errands that needed to be done, it decided to overheat. Okay... now maybe if I was some kind of "carsy or boyish" girl I would have been able to figure out what to do. But instead I am as girly as a girl can be, and so where did I turn? My Daddy. In most cases this would be a perfect solution. But me living in Florida, and him in New York... doesn't work so well. As I am on the phone with him and he is trying to explain to me what to look for "radiator, coolant, tubes with gaskets" in my mind I am thinking holy crap I am just gonna be stranded here forever. There was NO way I was gonna figure out what he was trying to tell me. Luckily I have AAA. Anyways ending of this long story is that they threw some water in the radiator and I drove back home, and the temperature never got any higher. So that is good, but none of my errands got done either. 

People are the second stresser in my life. I am not going to go into personal detail with all the people that have been making me want to scream lately, but just know that human beings are driving me bonkers. 

And lastly, this stupid job hunting. Just.... WHY? Why is it so difficult? I can bet money on the fact that within the last two weeks I have applied to 40 some jobs. And on HALF of them, my resume is "under review" WHAT GOOD IS THAT DOING ME?! My patience is truly dwindling and I'm about to go cray cray on some companies if they don't speed up this process. 

Even though all these things are happening to me right now and I am thinking to myself "why is my life so terrible", I realize it can't be that bad. I have a loving family who (even when they are miles and miles away from me still answers their phones when I need them) loves me more than anything in this world. I have a few really close friends both from NY and FL who have become my shoulder to cry on when I can't take much more. And even though I don't have the best job in the world, at least I have an income and can pay my bills. So as much as I want to go to that mountain and scream my lungs out, what good will that do? Then I am lungless (I know that isn't a word, but it sounds cooler than it looks) and having no lungs doesn't get me to my dreams any faster. So this blog's lesson is through all the turmoil and all those days where you would rather throw in the towel, see the light in the storm. There are people who would beg for the life that you are so willing to throw away. Learn to accept, and better more, APPRECIATE, what you got. 

I will be honest, I just now taught myself this lesson. All day I have been complaining about how terrible my luck is. And I just came to the realization while reading this that I am being a baby. So I hope all of you reevaluate your current "terrible" situation, and remember that it's not as bad as you think it is. Someone is always doing worse than you. Well I think I have made my point to myself, and to you all. So remember even when things royally SUCK, find your clarity in the chaos. 

Until next time

XOXO

Katlin 

I Am A Woman, Hear Me Roar.

The thing about chaos,

is that while it disturbs us, 

it too, forces our hearts to roar

in a way we secretly find magnificent. 

- Christopher Poindexter

Where should I begin? Some days I feel as though I have been punched in the face multiple times with Thor's hammer. Other days I feel like I am living on a cloud. And I guess that's what this life is all about. The ups and downs, the bad days that subsequently come with the good. But I have been trying my hardest to keep my head up. Living every day in agony is not how I want to continue the next 70 or 80 years of my life. 

My trip home was the reminder I needed that I am not alone. Sure I may spend 80% of my life alone in this apartment, but that doesn't mean I have to be alone. I have the most loving and supportive family on this planet. And there isn't a single thing that I couldn't ask of them. They are here for me no matter what. And I also have a handful of friends that I know would do the same for me. And those are the people I have been spending my time confiding in. It's those people that get me through each and everyday. 

But at the end of the day I have to look at myself in the mirror. Am I happy with what I see? Am I satisfied with how my life has turned out thus far? Some things I am completely content with, and others I would change in a heartbeat. But if I want to see change than I am the first step. I have to get up and get myself happy. Because I can't waste anymore time thinking I will find it through other people. Sure right now I have NO IDEA what my future looks like. My life is complete and utter chaos... But that is why I posted that quote at the top of the page. It's time I find the roar in my heart. It's time I stood up for myself. I cannot and will not let anything or anyone for that matter bring me down. Life is too short to get caught up in unhappiness.

After all... I AM A WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!!

And I hope you all can find your clarity in the chaos. 

XOXO,

Katlin