Giving Thanks

I am SO HAPPY to be finally writing to you guys again. I haven't blogged in a while and I blame my sadness on that. Because when I write I am happy, and since I haven't been doing that lately I have been feeling kinda blah. 

However let's start with some good news. One of my friends from high school came to visit me for 3 days, and I literally can't describe to you how happy it made me. Seeing a familiar face, being able to talk with someone who knows so much about your past, and who doesn't judge you whatsoever... BEST feeling in the world! And I was even able to take her to some of the parks which she loved! I really enjoy being that friend who lives in a cool city and can take their friends to some pretty awesome places. I really hope that she comes and visits again soon! And I also hope that other people from my past will come visit me too! 

As of lately I kinda lost myself again... I've been feeling really down, and have been letting chaos get the best of me. But in the middle of all my sadness I have come across literally some of the most kind hearted people I have EVER met. I have already had 2 separate people invite me to their home for Thanksgiving because they know that I am miles and miles away from my family. That really gives me something to be grateful for. That even though I can't be with my family, I have all these wonderfully people around me willing to give me the things I am missing out on. It is so generous and about the sweetest thing ever. 

Adding on to this, I literally JUST got off the phone with my grandfather (I call him Poppy's so I will be referring to him as that). Today was his birthday. He normally goes to bed between 7 and 8pm. He has done this for as far as I can remember. I didn't even get home and settled till 10:30pm. So I figured I would just call him and leave a voicemail for him to listen to in the morning. To my surprise HE ANSWERED THE PHONE! Now of course I felt terrible because I know I woke him (I could tell he didn't even have his dentures in). But I was so happy to hear his voice. You all know how much I have been missing my family and this was JUST what I needed right now. After talking to him about life, and what he did for his birthday. He says "Ya know I have a pretty good family". It was perfect. And when I got off the phone with his I told him I was sorry for waking him but happy I got to speak to him, he replied with "You can wake me up anytime." It put tears in my eyes. I now sit hear crying because I miss him that much more now. I would give ANYTHING to hop on a plane right now and hug him! 

All of this really puts things in perspective for me. Some people find a way to rally hurt me. To get inside my head and really depress the crap outta me. But for those few people that do that to me there are SO MANY MORE people willing to drive 8 hours to visit me, answer the phone in the dead of sleep to talk to me, and to invite me for Thanksgiving dinner. And THOSE are the people I should be spending my time with. THOSE people are the people that get me through. And if I didn't have them I wouldn't have anything. So this year I am giving thanks to the people in my life who do care. And for those that go the extra mile to include me and make me feel loved, when some days I feel so far from that. Thank you. You all really don't know how much you mean to me<3

Always remember to find your clarity. Until next time....

XOXO

Katlin

Patience, young grasshopper

Being patient isn't exactly one of my greatest traits. I want things when I want them. And I would much rather enjoy a life where I didn't have to wait around for answers. But patience makes us better people. So I know i have to learn to be a little more patient. 

I am a planner. I plan out literally every aspect of my life. And I have had it planned out since I was like 10 years old. However I am learning that life can't be planned out. I had a timeline created: at age 24 I would get married, at age 26/27 I would have my first child, and prior to these two things happening I would have a job making the big bucks to support a family. But let's take a look at my life as it stands now. I am 22 years old. There is no way I will be married in two years. I don't have a good paying job, I don't even have a full time job at the moment. And if I am not getting married in 2 years than I am CERTAINLY not having children by 26. Now this timeline runs through my head on a regular basis. And it depresses me. I feel like a failure, how did I let my life get this off track? 

But lately I have been beginning to see, ya know who cares about this timeline? Good things happen to those that wait... or so they say right? So instead of trying to push things to align with my timeline, I should just take life as it comes. With that being said... I AM STILL WAITING TO HEAR BACK FROM THIS JOB! And it is seriously driving me crazy! I just want to know. Because if I get this job a whole bunch of new doors will open for me. Not only that, but whether I get the job or not is going to be the deciding factor on when I can go visit my family. And I REALLY REALLY need to see them! 

I also need to be patient in my social life. Lately I have made some new friends at work. I just had to wait a bit! And now I am going out with them to the Food and Wine Festival tomorrow. Which I CAN NOT WAIT FOR! Another thing I need to be patient about. I always wish I could just fast forward to the fun days instead of living the day that is right in front of me. Because in the end every day counts. I am looking forward to things in my future. I just have to be patient enough to get to that point. 

All the crappy things I have been dealing with lately, they are just experiences to make me tougher. And in my opinion I am one tough cookie. I have been through some pretty ridiculous things, and I am sure others have had much worse lives... But I am proud of the person I have become. With a little patience, and a little faith, there is no telling what my future will bring for me! I hope you all continue to find your clarity in the chaos!

Until next time...

XOXO

Katlin